Oats & Rows

fitness / food / travel

Body Shaming and 3 Tips to Not Let It Bring You Down

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Have you ever tried on leggings and LOVED them, but it “didn’t fit to your size” according to some sales clerk, the brand, or a friend?

Have you ever received comments from a relative or spouse about how you look, at first seem out of a place of “concern” or love, but in the end, really end up crushing you?

Have you ever been highly praised or had extreme envy expressed towards your body making you feel beyond uncomfortable and like an inanimate object?  Have you ever been told “you need to eat a cheeseburger” or something to that effect?

 

Today, I am bringing up a topic that I am extremely passionate about: body shaming.

It is something that occurs every single day whether it’s in the media or in normal day-to-day interactions.  It can happen to anyone, but it typically affects women since this society has an unrealistic standard for how a woman should look.  A person can be shamed about really anything about his or her body, whether it’s their weight, height, hair color, style – you name it.  Body shaming comments can be thought to be delivered in a positive or negative manner, both leading into making the recipient of the comments feel embarrassed and ashamed.  Not only do the comments make the person feel ashamed or embarrassed, but are detrimental to their overall happiness and mental wellness.

oatsandrows-body-shaming

As a fitness professional, I work with clients daily to help them form healthier habits in terms of fitness, nutrition, and happiness.  It is common to hear clients shame themselves, such as speaking unkindly about their body or a certain area of their body.  This breaks my heart as a trainer, and it is a huge part of my job to help them not only focus on how they look, but how they feel.

Self-shaming saddens me, but someone shaming another person’s body boils my blood.  It angers me to the core.  Here are some comments I’ve heard in passing directed at others:

“Woah, that girl should NOT be wearing shorts that short.”
“She’d look so much better with less makeup.”
“She’d look so much better with more makeup.”
“I don’t know her last name because in my head she goes by ‘Fat Karen’ .”
“OMG look at that lady running!”

Blood. is. boiling.

Even though I work in fitness, don’t think I haven’t been body-shamed a time or two:

“Has it been hard for you to lose weight after college?  Don’t you workout every day?”
“If we were to get married tomorrow, you would not look how I would want you to.”
“You’re eating again?!”
“You bought that skirt?  You have a butt like mine and I do NOT look good in those skirts.”
“You are a size 4?………..*confused*”
“If I am a size 4, then you must be a 6 or an 8.”
“You are in a wedding in a couple weeks.  Think about all of the pictures you are going to have to be in.”

Sadly, I could keep listing comments I’ve heard.  And it sucks.  But what really kills me, is hearing others body shame other people, whether they do or do not know them.  People need to worry about themselves.  Unless you are a medical professional, you have no business to be making ANY comment towards any person’s appearance.  It is not your place.

I wish I could snap my fingers and end body shaming altogether, but I can’t.  But, what I can do is try to teach women how to get past the comments and come out stronger.

 

1) Body shaming stems from one’s own insecurities.

You may have heard this before, but it is true.  Negative comments towards someone is a direct reflection of the internal negativity coming from the person dishing the comments.  When someone is being rude or nasty, be the bigger and better person and know they may be struggling with their own demons.

2) What do those comments matter, anyway?

If someone doesn’t agree with your style, who cares?  If you want to dye your hair blue, well damn it, DO IT.  It’s not the hair on their head.  If someone doesn’t like how your body looks, that is their problem.  Again, this ties back into #1 and the commenter’s own insecurities.

3) Focus on your successes and practice positive self-talk.

This may be easier said than done, but when feeling defeated, count your blessings.  Highlight your successes.  Surround yourself with those who love you and bring you up.  Read motivational quotes or talk with a good friend.  Tell yourself how great you are, BECAUSE YOU ARE.

 

You only have one body, so love it.  Love yourself inside and out.  Do not let someone else determine your happiness. You are amazing.

 

Your turn-

Any thoughts to the anti-body shaming movement?

Fitness professionals- how do you help your clients work through self-shaming?

 

Comments

  1. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this post. I really needed to hear it. I don’t know why people think it’s necessary to comment on someone else’s weight or appearance. I’ve been in uncomfortable situations before where people commented on my weight gain or appearance. I always seem to think of the right thing to say too late.
    When I hear comments like this about other people, I always try to say something and point of how it is wrong. “Blood boiling” is a great expression for this.
    Your three tips are great and were just what I needed to hear!

    • Thank you, Kate! I cannot wrap my head around the fact people think it’s okay to comment about someone else’s appearance. I am glad this post was what you needed to hear 🙂

  3. Body shaming is a real issue. Growing up I was always on the skinny side and it does just as much hurt to someone when you get comments about needing to eat a cheeseburger. Just discovered your blog! I was born and raised in North Carolina!! Now I’m a Seattle transplant!

    • Ahhhh, no way!! I love living North Carolina. Body shaming, whether something who is “too big” or “too thin” is NEVER okay. Thanks for stopping by, lady!

  4. Sara, this is an amazing post. Thank you for sharing! Body shaming is SO real. We’ve all felt shamed in one way or another, and I appreciate your honesty. Perhaps what’s most important is to remember the impact of OUR words. I still remember the comment made to me when I was thirteen and a friend told me I should wear a certain type of swimsuit because I had more fat to keep me warm. UGH!

    With my clients, I focus on non-scale victories and this helps sooo much. Love your body for other reasons, not just how it looks.

    <3
    Katherine @ Katherine Lynn Fitness recently posted…Wednesday WOD: Warm Up + MobilityMy Profile

    • Thank you, Katherine! I am sorry for that rude comment that was said to you. It definitely is super helpful to be mindful especially since you do not know how words will make someone feel.

  5. I LOVE this! No matter what our shape or size is no one should comment on it! I truly believe that America and advertisements have led us to believe that there is a “perfect body shape”, when in reality everyone is beautiful.

  7. Thanks so much for sharing this. There is so much body shaming in our culture. I appreciate that you point out how it happens even in the fitness community. There is so much negative talk (burn those calories, change that body, get rid of that flab…!), and so much comparing with ideal bodies we think we will have but we never will, rather than celebrating what our body can do. If you see someone who’s bigger and is working out alongside someone who’s petite, why on earth would you shame the one and congratulate the other, when you should congratulate them both?

    • Exactly! I am 100% with you. If only we spent the amount of time we shame our bodies/others by actually loving our bodies, the world would be a much different (and better) place.

  8. Sara … As your aunt, I am so proud of you for writing such a heartfelt and honest post about a difficult subject. The saddest thing is that women/girls are already so hard on themselves that when OTHERS start criticizing it’s as if we are being attacked from every direction. Anyway, beautiful post and very inspirational.

    Incidentally, I wrote a similar post from the self-critiquing angle; I’ll share it with you here …

    http://ladolcevitathesweetlifewiththreesons.blogspot.com/2013/07/to-behold.html

    • Thank you so much for reading, Aunt Maria, AND sharing your link with me! It is so hard sometimes to not have those negative thoughts when looking in the mirror. That exercise you did at the marriage retreat, although scary, seemed to help shift your focus back on the many, many wonderful things about you!

  10. While I personally have never had to deal with body shaming I worked in weight loss for 3 years and the stories people would tell me were heartbreaking. Body shaming is especially awful on young girls. I’ll never forget working with a 16 year old who got told she was fat by girls at school and she confessed to me that she didn’t eat for 2 days trying to lose weight. It’s such a real thing and people need to STOP!

    • That’s so upsetting! It’s sad how someone can think their comment is “harmless” when in fact it has the exact opposite effect. Thank you for reading, Diana!

  11. I love this!! I used to make comments on people’s appearances all of the time – both negative and positive stuff – and now I’ve just made a very intentional decision to just not comment anymore. I figure, the less I comment about others the less they will comment about me and others as well.

    • That’s so great you are aware! Lots of people are not. Thank you so much for reading, Dani!

  13. Thank you so much for sharing. I recently had a lady turn to me in a restaurant (while my cake was being delivered) and say ‘don’t forget – you have to wear a bikini tomorrow.’
    I am actually getting ready to post a blog about it as a PSA about the damage these types of things can cause.

    • Ugh, those kinds of comments kill me. I will need to check out your post! Thanks for commenting, Tiffany!